Unprotected sex is still the leading cause of pregnancies and other things, Health Ministry reveals

Most people in South Africa fall pregnant and they wonder how it happened. According to the health ministry in the country, many people may be falling pregnant as a result of unprotected sex.  “After a careful study that was conducted over nine billion years, we as the ministry have finally realized that unprotected sex causes pregnancies. Many of our people have been falling pregnant and they would normally not know how it happened. Well, unprotected Read more…

Government digs over 1.5 million graves to bury 26-years worth of corruption,’they won’t be enough’- experts warn

The South African government is busy digging graves, sources revealed this week. It is said that government is planning to bury twenty years worth of corruption in those graves. “We are planning to dig over 1.5 million graves in the next few day. We are planning to bury corruption and mismanagement of funds inside those grave. We are not proud of our past”, Dololo Msobho, a spokesperson of the government said on Sunday. Experts however Read more…

“We were here first”, says Ethiopian man currently living in South Africa

Ethiopian man currently living in South Africa, Julius Malema, insists he was here first. The man, also known as the ‘Son of the dust’, claims he came to South Africa before anyone else, “I drove all the way from Ethiopia to Mzansi before elephants lived here. I remember very well, it was the year -00001. I came here first. And I never left”, he said. Malema says there were no trees in the country when Read more…

“We will make more animals to save the tourism industry when all this is over”, Government announces

The South Adrian tourism industry is currently closed for renovations and other reasons only known to government. The multibillion-rand sector used to be one of the country’s most profitable sectors many many moons ago. But now, the sector remains shut as government tries to decide if the sky is blue or not. Many people have voiced out their concerns, saying government should open up the tourism industry as damages caused by closing it will not Read more…

“If government can take 57,78 million Rand and give every citizen one million each, we would never experience hunger again”, Malema

EFF leader Julius Malema has finally come up with a plan to eradicate hunger and poverty in South Africa. Speaking to himself while taking a shower this morning, Malema said every South African should be a millionaire, “There are currently fifty seven million people in South Africa. So, for all of us to be millionaires once off, why can’t government give each and every citizen one million. Then we won’t ever talk about hunger again,” he Read more…

“I was never corrupt as a person. Only as a politician. I’m a good human being”, Mokonyane

Former Water and Sanitation minister Nomvula Mokonyane denies she was ever corrupt as a human being. Mokonyane was testifying at the Zondo commission today when she revealed that she had never met Gavin Watson and Agrizzi as a human being, “chances are I might have met these people as a politician, not as a human being. I am a good human being”, she revealed. “Plus, I was never corrupt as a human being. Only as Read more…

Congolese chief says he would marry Dlamini-Zuma if she came back home

Chief Edwards Mutamati of the Tivambudzi tribe in Congo, says he is one of the people who really want South African based politician Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma to return home to Congo. Many people in South Africa have voiced out their opinions after Dlamini-Zuma said the ban on cigarettes should continue under the current lockdown, saying ‘Dlamini-Zuma must return to her country if birth, Congo’.  Now, the chief who is also believed to be very wealthy says Read more…

More cows to lose their jobs as meat and milk prices drop, dairy expert reveals

The prices of meat and milk have dropped drastically in the past few months. When 2020 began, the dairy industry appeared headed for a recovery period. But now, thanks to the COVID-19 pandemic, the industry is facing yet another difficult year. Milk prices could fall to their lowest point in the last five years, according to one dairy policy expert, Beyoncé Zuma. The entire dairy industry is struggling to remain profitable in these unprecedented times and is Read more…

“Only pupils under the age of 21, with 33 years working experience will be able to go back to school this year “, Government

The department of Basic Education has finally clarified who will go back to school this year and who will not. There has been a lot of confusion in the country since the beginning of Level 3 lockdown as to who will return to school and who will not. Grade twelve learners and grade seven learners have already returned. Grades eleven and six are expected to return this month. Speaking in Pretoria today, minister of Basic Read more…

The rate of crime in South Africa is now too low. I’m releasing 19000 prisoners back to the community

The rate of crime in South Africa is now too low. I’m releasing 19000 prisoners back to the community #Satire We are all happy because ever since the lockdown started, the rate of crime in the country has dropped significantly. Statistics show that there has been a major drop of 72% in murders and a drop of 82% in rape cases.  To celebrate this fact, South Africa is releasing 19000 prisoners back to the community Read more…